I have been on a several month journey where I have really been working on me. This is a big deal for me because I have never felt as though it was okay to take care of myself. A lie many of us tell ourselves.
I have learned a lot about myself; the way I think, the way I respond, and why I do all of those things. I have decided to take this journey of the soul through Christian counseling and I have never made a better decision.
Lately I have realized that I am taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back every couple of weeks. I realized that although my soul was being healed my body was suffering. I have endometriosis and ovarian cysts and I live in pain and other horrible symptoms at least 2 1/2 weeks a month. I have started researching and have found some holistic ways of treating endometriosis. I have started them this last week and can already tell a huge difference.
So I have started a new part of my journey. I have started the process of healing my body. We will see how it goes and where it takes me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Discerment- A journey down a new path
So when you decide to go on a journey and allow the Lord to lead it, you may end up in places you don't want to be.
I am starting to realize that I have allowed myself to be manipulated by those that I thought cared for me the most. That makes me so angry! Don't get me wrong here..I allowed them to think it was okay. Of course I did, otherwise they would have never done it.
My relationships have been changing the last several months and a lot of that is because the Lord has shown me a spiritual gift that I did not realize I had, it is called discernment. I have always known that He has chosen to reveal certain things to me in situations that maybe others didn't get but I didn't realize that it was discernment. I have been praying, more recently, that He would show me how to use this gift. What is it that He wants me to do with the things that He shows me?
I know some feel as though they need to tell everyone what God is telling them but I have not felt the same way. At least not now. I really feel like He is using this gift to show me broken relationships. They all need to be healed. But they don't all need to be pursued. Does that make sense? I don't need broken relationships to be a block between me and the Lord, but just because we work out our differences doesn't mean we have to be friends.
I am finally coming to that realization and honestly it is freeing. I always felt I had to be friends with everyone and that everyone had to like me but that is not what the Lord wants for me at this time. I really believe that He wants to pursue me and have a relationship with me and that is the most important thing. That is what really matters.
So what I do with this? I keep praying. I keep asking the Lord to lead my path. I learn to forgive those that have wronged me, even if I led them into thinking it was okay. I go to those I have wronged and I say "I am sorry". I am not perfect but what I do know is that I am loved by Jesus just like you are. And that has got to be worth something.
I am starting to realize that I have allowed myself to be manipulated by those that I thought cared for me the most. That makes me so angry! Don't get me wrong here..I allowed them to think it was okay. Of course I did, otherwise they would have never done it.
My relationships have been changing the last several months and a lot of that is because the Lord has shown me a spiritual gift that I did not realize I had, it is called discernment. I have always known that He has chosen to reveal certain things to me in situations that maybe others didn't get but I didn't realize that it was discernment. I have been praying, more recently, that He would show me how to use this gift. What is it that He wants me to do with the things that He shows me?
I know some feel as though they need to tell everyone what God is telling them but I have not felt the same way. At least not now. I really feel like He is using this gift to show me broken relationships. They all need to be healed. But they don't all need to be pursued. Does that make sense? I don't need broken relationships to be a block between me and the Lord, but just because we work out our differences doesn't mean we have to be friends.
I am finally coming to that realization and honestly it is freeing. I always felt I had to be friends with everyone and that everyone had to like me but that is not what the Lord wants for me at this time. I really believe that He wants to pursue me and have a relationship with me and that is the most important thing. That is what really matters.
So what I do with this? I keep praying. I keep asking the Lord to lead my path. I learn to forgive those that have wronged me, even if I led them into thinking it was okay. I go to those I have wronged and I say "I am sorry". I am not perfect but what I do know is that I am loved by Jesus just like you are. And that has got to be worth something.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Homeschool-Update
Just thought I would post an update on what we have been doing for school. This is more for me than anyone else reading this. I like to look back and see what we were doing.
I recently went to the Dollar Tree and bought a few things for Ellie and Char. Ellie really has been showing an interest in reading and writing and I have been a bad mom and have not let her do it! I know that is horrible but I know that once she starts I am COMMITTED!!!! So I have waited on the intensness of it all and have done just some surface stuff like abc's, and 123's. She has been doing really well with it.
So I bought her a Cinderella Alphabet book at Dollar Tree so that she can continue to practice writing her letters. She still needs to work on some fine motor skills. We also have a puzzle that has 2 pieces per letter that makes a picture. So Aa-put together makes a basket of apples, and so on. We are really concentrating on A-E. We are working on the sounds and letter recognition.
For Char I bought her some books about animals and colors and shapes at the Dollar Tree. She loved reading them with me and when I finished she "read" them to me. She basically would tell me the animals name and then ask me "Sheepy say?" Wanting me to make the sound of the sheep. These are all really good early learning concepts that I enjoy doing with her. She is also working on wooden puzzles that are animals and even plays with them as thought they are figurines. I love it!
Jackson is rolling right along in Math and Reading. He is on grade level now and I am sincerely impressed with his reading skills! It is like a whole other child here. Because he has improved so well we are going to start introducing so other things. I had thought about Science but he is taking a course about space in Friday School. We may work on some History. We have also started a new Bible study called "Devotionals for Boys". He craves the Word and that sparks a fire in me!
I would have loved to post pictures of the girls working on their newest things or Jackson reading his Bible but alas my camera is still broken! Hopefully I will get a new one soon! :)
I recently went to the Dollar Tree and bought a few things for Ellie and Char. Ellie really has been showing an interest in reading and writing and I have been a bad mom and have not let her do it! I know that is horrible but I know that once she starts I am COMMITTED!!!! So I have waited on the intensness of it all and have done just some surface stuff like abc's, and 123's. She has been doing really well with it.
So I bought her a Cinderella Alphabet book at Dollar Tree so that she can continue to practice writing her letters. She still needs to work on some fine motor skills. We also have a puzzle that has 2 pieces per letter that makes a picture. So Aa-put together makes a basket of apples, and so on. We are really concentrating on A-E. We are working on the sounds and letter recognition.
For Char I bought her some books about animals and colors and shapes at the Dollar Tree. She loved reading them with me and when I finished she "read" them to me. She basically would tell me the animals name and then ask me "Sheepy say?" Wanting me to make the sound of the sheep. These are all really good early learning concepts that I enjoy doing with her. She is also working on wooden puzzles that are animals and even plays with them as thought they are figurines. I love it!
Jackson is rolling right along in Math and Reading. He is on grade level now and I am sincerely impressed with his reading skills! It is like a whole other child here. Because he has improved so well we are going to start introducing so other things. I had thought about Science but he is taking a course about space in Friday School. We may work on some History. We have also started a new Bible study called "Devotionals for Boys". He craves the Word and that sparks a fire in me!
I would have loved to post pictures of the girls working on their newest things or Jackson reading his Bible but alas my camera is still broken! Hopefully I will get a new one soon! :)
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