Thursday, July 29, 2010


This year we are trying something new, lap-booking. The basic concept is with each subject we will be making a book about what we have learned.  We will be doing this with FIAR and with some of our Bible lessons.  I have already picked out what to do for our first FIAR book which is The Story About Ping by Marjorie Flack.  I was directed by some great homeschoolers to a website that offers so many free resources.  All I had to do was go online and pick what I wanted to do.  I went and bought different file folders and even accordion file folders for each kid.  That way they can go back and look at what they did and what they have learned.

I am so excited.  I will post our first week when we are done with it so you can see if it was a success!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Job's House

I find it interesting that God puts you with certain people and in certain situations that you would never think of because, well, He is full of wisdom and He knows what is best for all.   When we first moved here and had nothing we started going to Kingsland.  It was a God-send.  I was actually told by a well-meaning family member that it was not the right place for us given our financial status.  I now know that was the enemy trying to thwart God's plan.  We were plugged in quickly and found this wonderful ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship), only through the stalking by Melissa Smith, called Joshua House.  They were great and had been through every trial I could think of.  They did not judge us based on our situation instead they embraced and loved us like nothing we had ever experienced. 

In May, one of our families went through a terrible ordeal that took the life of their oldest child.  The mom was hurt very badly and is still going through therapy.  She only recently got out of the hospital.  As I cried out to God asking why He would allow this to happen and why them and why us (Joshua House).  I was reminded by someone that the Lord never gives us more then we can handle.  Yeah? Well I don't want to handle it!  I don't want them to have to handle it!

On Sunday another Joshua House family had an event that is changing their lives as we speak.  Their son hit his head and was taken to the hospital.  They only found out later that this could have saved his life!  He has a brain aneurysm.  He is in surgery as I type this blog.  Again, God only gives you what you can handle. 

On Sunday morning Bryan preached on Job.  It was an awesome sermon.  We then learned about plans and how just because we think that it is a good plan doesn't mean it is God's plan.  We are Joshua House not Job's House.  We don't like being tested. 

Well none of this was our plan but it was God's.  And we know that He is good all the time.  I am resting in that!
I know that my Redeemer lives,
       and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
 And after my skin has been destroyed,
       yet  in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him
       with my own eyes—I, and not another.
       How my heart yearns within me! 
Job 19:25-27

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Peace in His plan!

A lot is going on the Brown household. 

  1. Troy's job is in limbo. He is looking for another one but so far nothing (although there are prospects).
  2. Our financial situation is looking pretty grim.  These last 2 months of Troy not working has taken a toll on our finances on top of the fact that we didn't make the best choices.
  3. The van died and we are one car family right now.  Which is not bad except that Troy works so far away it is nearly impossible to share.
  4. Homeschooling is about to start and although I am excited I have started feeling a lot of doubt lately. Not about my ability to teach or if this is a God thing but about the choices and knowing if they are right for Jackson and Ellie. 
  5. School for Troy and myself is busy!
  6. Troy's dad's health is failing and he is planning all of these major surgeries (with no one there to help him!). 
  7. Thoughts of upcoming events like ballet and football and not knowing how we will be able to pay for all of it and so desperately not wanting to disappoint our children.
The list could be longer but I think you get the idea.  A lot is going on.  So last week I was worried.  I prayed a lot and questioned God's timing.  I know that His timing is good I just don't see it.  But through that God showed me how He was going to take care of us.  Only for this past week.  He did and I am grateful.. All bills were paid, groceries were paid for and someone even let us borrow their car for the week.  I was driving and praying and talking to God and He showed me how in my obedience to Him and in my repentance of some bad choices He was taking care of me last week.  I could totally see it.  It wasn't a big neon sign with flashing lights or a big over sized cardboard check with a lot of zeros.  But it was exactly what we needed.  I went home and made the comment to Troy, "I could sit here and think about all the crap but you know what I am listening to Scripture and letting 'tomorrow' worry about itself!".  So freeing you know.  I have been at total peace all week about what appears on the outside to be a grim situation.  If you ask my Bible Study group they will tell you I was pretty distraught in the beginning of last week. I don't know how everything else is going to play out but I do not that God is taking it one day at a time and so will I.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Getting Ready for School

I have all of my curriculum!  All of it!  I am so excited.  Today will be spent working on lesson plans and taking stuff to get laminated.  We start school a week from Monday.  I am so happy for this!  I think that we will be doing 8 weeks on 1 week off this year.  My school schedule is such that the last week of my classes is so stressful that I usually fall behind at that time anyway.  I am headed to target today to get my map and then I think I am good.  I made some changes to the school room and will post pics when it is all done.  Woohoo!  I am so excited!  Can you tell? 

If you homeschool I would love any tips or ideas. 

Friday, July 23, 2010

A slight Victory

So in my new quest of defining boundaries and learning how to set them in place I was confronted with one the other day.  It was something I new was coming up but was avoiding.  Not whole-heartily but enough to have not said anything for a while.  Well the other day it happened. I was asked to do something that I want to do.  Really I do.  But I can't over commit myself again.  I said yes but that there were stipulations.  I got a look of surprise.  Like "What do you mean?" You can't do this to me".  You know the look.  I tried to explain that I didn't want to reach burn out in December like I had the year before and that although this particular thing was important to me I was not able to go at it the way they had hoped.  The other person was very disappointed and I think a little perturbed.  Now this is the part where I would say "Well if you really need me I can do it.  I will just figure something out." But I didn't!  I just said "Sorry, but that is the best I can do." And insinuated that it was a take it or leave it type of thing.  The other person said something that before would have made me feel totally guilty but right there in that moment I felt so proud!  I was able to say no and I was not bullied (whether intentional or not) by the other person to change my mind.  This was a huge step in the right direction.  I am still reading my book and I am still learning. I will get there one day. This journey is one that I am actually excited to be a part of!  Okay that is it for today....

Monday, July 19, 2010


So just wanted to make a post since I am trying to be more diligent about blogging.  I am ready for school to start.  I have almost all of my curriculum.  The last thing I need is the FIAR book and we can start.  I still have some prep work to do too but not too much.  I am hoping we will start in 2 weeks. 

Charlotte is really starting to talk and she is so funny!

Me-Alright guys it's dinner time.

Char-at the top of her lungs in an authoritative voice "Dinner! Dinner! Dinner" As she is walking through the house to wrangle the fam.

*Troy did not hear so I yelled his name.

Char-Toy! Toy! Toy!

I love that little toot! 

Jackson is obsessed with video games and I am trying to ween him off because there have been no guidelines this summer.  He found a penny and tried to bribe me with it, today!  Whatever dude, it will take a lot more then that!

Ellie is so busy and she is such a sweet little girl.  But she pouts all the time!  I am so over it.  So when she is upset and I tell her to go to her room she tries with all her might to stop pouting and smile.  Almost always it is difficult and eventually she cracks up laughing from the whole process!

Thursday, July 15, 2010


So this blog is not all about me.  I know shocker!  Ha! I have not been using my camera the way I should have this summer but between the times I had it and the pictures my dad took, I think we have some good ones from the summer so far! Enjoy!

Char at the pool!

Ellie swimming like a big girl!

Such a little ham!

What was that I was saying about being a ham?
Visiting with Popsi and Grammy.

At the Ranger's game in Arlington. 

The Beamon fam sans Jennifer, Shawn and Paisley. 

The big kids and the newest member of the Brown household, Miss Eleanor.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Today I chose a different road.

A few days ago I shared my struggles on ye ol blog.  It was big to do that because that makes me feel very vulnerable.  I did not post the newest posting to facebook because I really didn't write all of that for the whole world.  It was for me.  It was a way to get it out and I just chose a public forum.  At the same time I think that it makes me have some sort of accountability to those that do follow me on this blog. 

So through my struggles I decided to suck it up buttercup and go on.  It was hard.  Then on Monday I went to Bible Study with the ladies from my SS class.  It was good but I was tired.  Not necessarily physically but emotionally and spiritually.  The other ladies could tell.  I had planned on sharing my struggle but in the end chickened out.  But one friend shared something.  It is from Priscilla Shirer's "One in a Million" bible study.  Priscilla quoted a book that she read and this is what she said:

One day I was walking and found myself in a big hole.  I was stuck and could not figure out how to get out.  It took a long time but finally I was able to get out. The next day I knew the pit might be there so I was careful and lo and behold I fell in again!  This time it took longer to get out, but somehow I did it.  The next day I decided I would go around it.  I teetered on the edge and fell in. The story goes on and each time the person falls into the pit.  Then it starts "Today I chose I different road." 

How FREEING!!!  When I heard those words I almost burst into tears.  I know I have been in a pit, I get out and I feel good for a few days and then I am right back in.  I couldn't figure it out until I heard this.  I needed to choose a different road.  So I thought back to what made me feel so good the week the kids were gone.  I will tell you it was exercise and I was not in my room at all.  I busied myself doing other things.  The temptation to curl up under the blankets was not there because the bed was not in my face. 

Now don't get me wrong I am not cured.  But I am enlightened and only the Holy Spirit can be thanked for that.  So today I chose a different road and so far I feel great!

On another note we are starting school very soon and I am doing a lot of new stuff this year.  I will be posting some fun things to share and hopefully will get feedback and more ideas!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Everywhere you look

there are temptations.  I have been dieting and was on fire the first week.  I even had a good weight loss despite the fact that my monthly visitor decided to show up on the morning of my weigh in.  I was completely swollen.  I am guessing there was a couple extra pounds of fluid.  (Now that that is all over my ankles, feet and hands are back to their normal size and trust me there is a huge difference).  I have done well with not eating out but this weekend with a wedding and my parents in town it was hard. I blew my Weight Watchers points on stupid things and then had to suffer the consequences of hunger later in the evening.  Who knows I may not lose any weight this week.  I think I may lose a pound and that is okay too, it puts me at 5 lbs down.  I have not exercised the way I had planned either.  I am just not with it.

I am also tempted to get back in to the routine of hiding in my room with the covers over my head and the lights off.  I have done so well this past week (the big kids were gone).  They are back. Now I want to hide.  Is it them?  Is it me?  What is going on?  I was on a roll and loving it when they were gone and now that they are back I am feeling overwhelmed all over again.  Don't get me wrong I love my kids, I love them a lot!  I would not trade this life for anything.  I would however like to know how to get over this feeling.  I have been trying to exercise my boundaries and my right to have them and yet I still feel like I am still being pulled in all different directions. Why is that?

*side note* Charlotte just walked into my room with a grape Popsicle that was dripping all down her front and on the carpet.  I took it away and cleaned her up only to have her throw the biggest tantrum!

See what I am saying?  Anyway this may sound like complaining or blah, blah, blah....but hey, its what is going through my mind right now.  Writing it all out is therapeutic and who knows, there may be someone out there feeling the same way and wondering if they are the only ones...

*Was just proof reading when I realized that I should put something encouraging in here.  I don't know what exactly, but I do know this for sure.  Although I feel this way now I know that I am not alone in my struggle.  God is with me and that is comforting.  Honestly right now I am in a pit and I am trying to figure the way out.  He will help me, I just have to figure out the way to ask. Don't get me wrong I think that He will pull you out but only if you are ready to be out.  I think I am ready but fall back into bad habits, so I am working on that.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Rough times

It is no secret, or maybe it is, that I struggle in my life.  The last six months has been a whirl wind and spiritually and emotionally I have been through a lot.  I am learning a lot about myself and about God and what His truths are. 

One really important thing I have learned is that it is not selfish to take care of myself. I have seriously thought that for so many years and have even thought that of other people.  I know it sounds crazy but it was a lie that I believed and allowed to get me where I am, 50 lbs over weight. 

I also have believed the lie that anger is a sin.  Wow!  It isn't?  I have been struggling with my anger and it all came to a head about 3 months ago.  And it was BAD.  I had been trying to shove the anger deep down and putting on a happy face but the truth is....I was really really ANGRY.  Once I learned that anger is a God-given emotion and that the emotion is not sinful but the actions are, it has helped.  I still have my moments but just knowing that I can be angry is huge. 

The last thing is the hardest for me.  I feel as I am growing in one area of my life another area is starting to fail.  I know it is an attack and even when I was praying today I felt like I was whining about stuff I know is stupid, but these are real emotions and this is really how I feel.  I have this huge sense of loneliness right now. I don't know if it is because I have been isolating myself or what.  All I know is that I feel alone and I hate it.  I have gone through this before and it is usually when God is about to grow me but it is still doesn't feel good. 

Sorry this wasn't the most upbeat post.  Just what I am going through now!