Monday, July 12, 2010

Everywhere you look

there are temptations.  I have been dieting and was on fire the first week.  I even had a good weight loss despite the fact that my monthly visitor decided to show up on the morning of my weigh in.  I was completely swollen.  I am guessing there was a couple extra pounds of fluid.  (Now that that is all over my ankles, feet and hands are back to their normal size and trust me there is a huge difference).  I have done well with not eating out but this weekend with a wedding and my parents in town it was hard. I blew my Weight Watchers points on stupid things and then had to suffer the consequences of hunger later in the evening.  Who knows I may not lose any weight this week.  I think I may lose a pound and that is okay too, it puts me at 5 lbs down.  I have not exercised the way I had planned either.  I am just not with it.

I am also tempted to get back in to the routine of hiding in my room with the covers over my head and the lights off.  I have done so well this past week (the big kids were gone).  They are back. Now I want to hide.  Is it them?  Is it me?  What is going on?  I was on a roll and loving it when they were gone and now that they are back I am feeling overwhelmed all over again.  Don't get me wrong I love my kids, I love them a lot!  I would not trade this life for anything.  I would however like to know how to get over this feeling.  I have been trying to exercise my boundaries and my right to have them and yet I still feel like I am still being pulled in all different directions. Why is that?

*side note* Charlotte just walked into my room with a grape Popsicle that was dripping all down her front and on the carpet.  I took it away and cleaned her up only to have her throw the biggest tantrum!

See what I am saying?  Anyway this may sound like complaining or blah, blah, blah....but hey, its what is going through my mind right now.  Writing it all out is therapeutic and who knows, there may be someone out there feeling the same way and wondering if they are the only ones...

*Was just proof reading when I realized that I should put something encouraging in here.  I don't know what exactly, but I do know this for sure.  Although I feel this way now I know that I am not alone in my struggle.  God is with me and that is comforting.  Honestly right now I am in a pit and I am trying to figure the way out.  He will help me, I just have to figure out the way to ask. Don't get me wrong I think that He will pull you out but only if you are ready to be out.  I think I am ready but fall back into bad habits, so I am working on that.

1 comment:

Misty said...

i have a book for you, i'll try to remember to bring it tomorrow!