Monday, July 5, 2010

Rough times

It is no secret, or maybe it is, that I struggle in my life.  The last six months has been a whirl wind and spiritually and emotionally I have been through a lot.  I am learning a lot about myself and about God and what His truths are. 

One really important thing I have learned is that it is not selfish to take care of myself. I have seriously thought that for so many years and have even thought that of other people.  I know it sounds crazy but it was a lie that I believed and allowed to get me where I am, 50 lbs over weight. 

I also have believed the lie that anger is a sin.  Wow!  It isn't?  I have been struggling with my anger and it all came to a head about 3 months ago.  And it was BAD.  I had been trying to shove the anger deep down and putting on a happy face but the truth is....I was really really ANGRY.  Once I learned that anger is a God-given emotion and that the emotion is not sinful but the actions are, it has helped.  I still have my moments but just knowing that I can be angry is huge. 

The last thing is the hardest for me.  I feel as I am growing in one area of my life another area is starting to fail.  I know it is an attack and even when I was praying today I felt like I was whining about stuff I know is stupid, but these are real emotions and this is really how I feel.  I have this huge sense of loneliness right now. I don't know if it is because I have been isolating myself or what.  All I know is that I feel alone and I hate it.  I have gone through this before and it is usually when God is about to grow me but it is still doesn't feel good. 

Sorry this wasn't the most upbeat post.  Just what I am going through now!

1 comment:

Sterling said...

You know I struggle with loneliness too. Call me anytime friend (if you want :o). I think sometimes it is us pulling away from others... but I also sometimes it isn't us. Love you!