Friday, June 11, 2010

Something I am learning

In my quest to learn about boundaries and the fact that mine are so blurred or non existent in some cases; I have found that I am so over committed that I am exhausted all of the time.  I had a friend tell me that it was not normal to be so tired all of the time.  She was right.  It's not!  I am physically tired but mentally and emotionally drained.  I was asked the other day "How do you get refueled? How do you get [what you have given] back?" I had no answer.  I find myself going at full speed and then slowly feel myself deteriorate.  Something else that I knew but needed to hear from a friend was that when I get this burnt out I withdraw from those who care about me most.  I never looked at it that way. But that is what I do.  When I need the most help or the most support I withdraw and hide.

One other thing.  I always wondered why my kids felt that they could crawl on me anytime, come into the bathroom with me, and generally have no regard for my privacy.  Some mom's would say that "We are mom's that is just the way it is."  My kids don't do these things to their father.  It is not because they love me more then him.  They love us both.  The difference is that Troy has set clear boundaries for them.  They are not allowed to do those aforementioned things with him.  He likes his own space and privacy and set those boundaries very early on with them.  I have always thought it was a little harsh because they are his kids, doesn't he want them to be around him all the time? He does love them and he does want them around but we all need our space!  Even my 22 month old needs her space! By setting clear boundaries with them he is showing them love.  I have started setting clearer boundaries with them.  It is hard because in some cases I am trying to break a 7 year habit.  There has been resistance and some temper tantrums but over all I think that it is going well. 

This is not an overnight fix (although that would be nice!).  I am taking it one day at a time.  That is all I can do at this point.

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