Saturday, September 18, 2010

Running it out for the Generations...

Today I participated in my first ever 5K.  That is 3.2 miles if you don't know.  I have been training for this for a while.  I actually injured myself 3 weeks ago and have not been able to run until today.  It was really hard.  I didn't run the whole time but I would say that I ran about half. Not bad I'd say.

When I crossed the finish line I lost it.  I started to cry and couldn't stop.  Several friends ran up and hugged me (sweat, stink, tears and all).  Even little Charlotte came up and grabbed my leg.  I was hurting.  The arch in my foot was so sore that I think I may have bruised it.  My groin felt like I had pulled a muscle.  Why was I crying though?  The pastor's wife came up to me and made the comment that it was a pretty emotional moment.  She wanted to know why.  I said because it was so hard.  But now that I have had time to process it all I realize that I was so emotional because this has been an emotional journey.

At the end of May I decided that I needed to seek counseling.  I was struggling with some relationships with friends, my marriage was less then desirable and I was just plain exhausted.  I was angry all the time too and this was so unlike me.  I went and saw a counselor at church and she had some really good things to say.  One was that I did not have clear boundaries set for myself and for others around me and the other was that I was wrapped up in some Generational Sin. (I will go into generational sin in another post, it is too long for this one!).  Anyway, I had put all of this pressure on myself and had decided that I was not important.  Everyone else around me was.  This is a pattern of sorts that other women in my family have, and maybe even still do, struggled with. I was not aware of some of it but my mom was able to bring some things to light.  The thing with GS (like my abbreviation!) is that it gets stuck to us and we may not even know about it.  We walk around paying for wrongs in the past, and many times we continue those wrongs.  We are held down by the bondage that GS brings.

Anyway, at the time I admitted that I did not pray for myself. Never. Not ever.  I knew that this was not a good way to live but I felt that I did not need to bother God with my problems.  After seeing the counselor and having a few revelations of my own I realized that I had a problem.  One was I was extremely overweight.  I had ballooned up to a weight that I had not seen in a non-pregnant state.  I was eating for 5 and not thinking twice about it.  I couldn't walk up the stairs at my friends house with out being so winded that I thought I might just have asthma.

I decided to join Weight Watchers and I have lost 15 lbs so far.  I also decided to run.  Something that even my husband said I shouldn't do because of my knees.  I started praying for myself and asking God for specific things.

Well I did it!  I ran my first 5K today and although I walked some I crossed that finish line. As I ran and the pain started to overwhelm me and the enemy started to whisper lies in my ear, I cried to the Almighty.  He got me through it.  When I thought I was done there was scripture and there were photos of girls that are held in bondage. The outpour of emotions, at the end of the race, was because today was just another broken chain of the bondage that the women before me and myself were smothered by.  This was a chain that will not be able to hold down the generations that will follow me and that includes my girls!

The motto for Kingsland Baptist Church is "Love God, Love People, and equipping the generations one home at a time".  I tell you that today some powerful things happened with the beginning and the completion of that run and I am so glad it did.


2 comments:

Sterling said...

I just love you so much and you did so awesome!

Misty said...

What a great moment! I am so proud of you! :)